Eat it raw!

We all have fears, and that is completely natural. Fear is one of the most basic instincts and it has a purpose. Fear of fire keeps you from burning, fear to poison keeps you out of Australia and fear of getting old gives you wrinkles. But there is one fundamental fear, shared by all the living. I’m talking, of course of the FEAR OF ZOMBIES!

Zombies are truly something to be afraid of. They eat brains. Brains, man. I mean, geez. Braaaaaains. Also, they are undead and stink, and your departed loved ones rise from the grave to fuckin crack your skull and eat your smart jelly. And then the little girl goes “grampa is that you?” but the grampa is all like “GTFO I is being a zombie now, bitch! Arrgg braaaaaains” and then you have to shoot the abomination and make little Susy cry like a little girl (which in fact, she is).

So, how do you successfully survive a zombie outbreak? Well, the bible tells us that 12-gauge shotguns are the only correct answer. And for crying out loud, aim at the head you moron. They are undead! Loosing a limb is nothing for those assholes. Also; pregnant woman = left behind. You can’t save them all, so just grab the prettiest girl in the movie and run like a fuckin cheetah.

In a zombie outbreak, you might be shocked by the sheer number of undead. Zombie movie logic thought us that there are about 182 dead people per living person in an average town. So, it would be overly stupid to go to a graveyard, since there is where most dead people are. Also, schools, hospitals, churches and the like will be crowded with the hellish spawns.

If you played Resident Evil, you of course know that weapons and ammo are located at the most bizarre places and you will need to mix two or more kinds of gunpowder to achieve that little special something, like granma’s cookies. But granma bakes no more, she is a zombie!

So here are some tips to live to tell you horrid story:
-Grab the hottest girl. If you get to be the main character, you won’t be killed.
-Grab the shotgun.
-Maybe get a car?
-Don’t go to the police/firemen/army—they are all zombies.
-Your best friend will be turned into a zombie when you need him/her the most.
-Go random!
-Do the cha-cha
-Pillage

-Deus ex machina, in the end some stupid plot twist will save the day.

Should, but won’t.

Today a learned a valuable lesson on the difference between what you want and what you need. I need shoes. But I fuckin hate shopping. But I do need shoes. So, I make up my mind, take the time for it and go to the mall. Long story short, I bought no shoes, but I got me some awesome manga. Now I look down and think “damn, those are some old shoes”. But then I look into my bookcase and think “damn, those are some nice mangas”.

Happy Bird Day

Hoy, mi blog y yo cumplimos dos años juntos. Por lo tanto, es mi relación mas duradera hasta ahora. Hoy es un buen día. Hoy, la cosa pinta bien.

Gracias.

Mañana más.

Ouch.

So long, wisdom tooth. That’s right, my assumption of being a superior kind of primate was proved wrong last week, with the discovery of the cause of a recurring toothache: third molars were on the way. Since I’m sumurai-spirited, I decided to deal with the matter in a drastic way, and make war on them, expatriate them and vanish them into oblivion. During the surgery, the two inferior molars started their self-destruction sequence when they became aware of the dentist’s liberation forces attack. The other two came out with relatively little struggle and now face charges for crimes against mankind. Right now they are kept in a Guantanamo-style plastic bag.

Now, the epic battle against my third molars came with happy and unhappy consequences. They will hurt no more, that’s the highlight. Also, they gave me a valid reason to stay home all day watching anime. Sadly, my face got terribly swallowed (I am, per se, round faced) and the pain kept me from shaving, so I developed the look of a kiwi fruit, round and hairy. A kiwi with glasses watching anime. Picture it, it will make you smile. On the down side, the surgery’s cost is almost exactly a month of my salary. And a day I don’t work is a day I don’t get paid.

Anyway, the whole ordeal took place Friday, and I’m a lot better now. My face returned to it’s natural, beautiful proportions and the wounds are almost completely healed. Luckily, I am head-to-toe made of military-grade solid steel, so this kind of pecata minuta does nothing to me.

And what anime did I watched?
Amongst a myriad of mediocre and overly cute anime, it is truly refreshing to see some old-fashioned, hardcore, die-hard, plot orientated show. Honouring the cyperpunk tradition of Akira and Appleseed comes Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex. How do you relate to a sentient battle tank that behaves like a child? Well, it takes some seriously genial writing, like that of Masamune Shirow. Surprisingly high production values, a soundtrack by Yoko Kanno (of Cowboy Bebop and Wolf’s Rain fame), and a smart plot make this show a must for all interested in the genre of sci-fi and political intrigue. Cell-shaded CGI blends amazingly well with the richly detailed backgrounds, and the character design is truly superb.

In an industry increasingly plagued by rip offs and jiggling tits (not that there is anything wrong with jiggling tits) and panty shots instead of character development and quick witted dialogue, I can only hope we see more like this in the future.

Also, Tachikomas are the coolest thing ever.

TA! CHI! KO! MA!