Eat it raw!
We all have fears, and that is completely natural. Fear is one of the most basic instincts and it has a purpose. Fear of fire keeps you from burning, fear to poison keeps you out of Australia and fear of getting old gives you wrinkles. But there is one fundamental fear, shared by all the living. I’m talking, of course of the FEAR OF ZOMBIES!
Zombies are truly something to be afraid of. They eat brains. Brains, man. I mean, geez. Braaaaaains. Also, they are undead and stink, and your departed loved ones rise from the grave to fuckin crack your skull and eat your smart jelly. And then the little girl goes “grampa is that you?” but the grampa is all like “GTFO I is being a zombie now, bitch! Arrgg braaaaaains” and then you have to shoot the abomination and make little Susy cry like a little girl (which in fact, she is).
So, how do you successfully survive a zombie outbreak? Well, the bible tells us that 12-gauge shotguns are the only correct answer. And for crying out loud, aim at the head you moron. They are undead! Loosing a limb is nothing for those assholes. Also; pregnant woman = left behind. You can’t save them all, so just grab the prettiest girl in the movie and run like a fuckin cheetah.
In a zombie outbreak, you might be shocked by the sheer number of undead. Zombie movie logic thought us that there are about 182 dead people per living person in an average town. So, it would be overly stupid to go to a graveyard, since there is where most dead people are. Also, schools, hospitals, churches and the like will be crowded with the hellish spawns.
If you played Resident Evil, you of course know that weapons and ammo are located at the most bizarre places and you will need to mix two or more kinds of gunpowder to achieve that little special something, like granma’s cookies. But granma bakes no more, she is a zombie!
So here are some tips to live to tell you horrid story:
-Grab the hottest girl. If you get to be the main character, you won’t be killed.
-Grab the shotgun.
-Maybe get a car?
-Don’t go to the police/firemen/army—they are all zombies.
-Your best friend will be turned into a zombie when you need him/her the most.
-Go random!
-Do the cha-cha
-Pillage
Zombies are truly something to be afraid of. They eat brains. Brains, man. I mean, geez. Braaaaaains. Also, they are undead and stink, and your departed loved ones rise from the grave to fuckin crack your skull and eat your smart jelly. And then the little girl goes “grampa is that you?” but the grampa is all like “GTFO I is being a zombie now, bitch! Arrgg braaaaaains” and then you have to shoot the abomination and make little Susy cry like a little girl (which in fact, she is).
So, how do you successfully survive a zombie outbreak? Well, the bible tells us that 12-gauge shotguns are the only correct answer. And for crying out loud, aim at the head you moron. They are undead! Loosing a limb is nothing for those assholes. Also; pregnant woman = left behind. You can’t save them all, so just grab the prettiest girl in the movie and run like a fuckin cheetah.
In a zombie outbreak, you might be shocked by the sheer number of undead. Zombie movie logic thought us that there are about 182 dead people per living person in an average town. So, it would be overly stupid to go to a graveyard, since there is where most dead people are. Also, schools, hospitals, churches and the like will be crowded with the hellish spawns.
If you played Resident Evil, you of course know that weapons and ammo are located at the most bizarre places and you will need to mix two or more kinds of gunpowder to achieve that little special something, like granma’s cookies. But granma bakes no more, she is a zombie!
So here are some tips to live to tell you horrid story:
-Grab the hottest girl. If you get to be the main character, you won’t be killed.
-Grab the shotgun.
-Maybe get a car?
-Don’t go to the police/firemen/army—they are all zombies.
-Your best friend will be turned into a zombie when you need him/her the most.
-Go random!
-Do the cha-cha
-Pillage
-Deus ex machina, in the end some stupid plot twist will save the day.
posted by Antua @ 9:11 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Ja excelente lectura brover!
Mi querido Antua...seguimos esperando mas material bloggeado por ti¡¡¡
No nos dejes esperando mucho tiempo mas.
Besito.
Acnur Onu
Post a Comment
<< Home