Fiction

Lonely-guy-at-a-bar act.

This bartender knows his trade. And my kind, too. I'm not here to talk and I won't ask for the bottle of scotch to be left. I'm here to down three pints in as many hours. So I sit at the bar minding my ale and my own business. I always figured you ought to have beer at the bar-- that shows you are not seeking therapy or alcohol-induced brain malfunction. On the contrary, you have a conversation-free beer so you can think straight, and sort things out. So halfway through my first pint and barely starting my internal dissertation a girl shows up. She is not bad looking.

-Hey, hi! Can I rob you of a cigarette?

I don't smoke. And I don't feel like talking either, really. So kindly I say 'No, I'm sorry, I'm not a smoker'. And look back into my pint. She gets my drift. I guess she knows my kind, too. Under normal cirtunstances I would have probably go into how pretty girls shouldn't smoke and she would tell me how bad girls do, and how she tried to quit once or twice and how she only smokes at pubs to pick up guys at the bar.

So down goes number one. I have a pretzel. Love them. And with a circular motion of the hand I draw in the air a universal sign, that not unlike mute's hand lenguage asks the bartender for number two, which is promtly before me. You have to give it a minute, this black stuff. Foam is ought to get up. So I have sip. Not a wholehearted first glug like the one that debuted number one, just a little modest lady-like sip. And I start thinking.

So I met her maybe ten years ago.

(paragraph missing, sorry y'all)

Another circular motion, and like a conjure, number three arrives.

I chug it down in the blink of an eye. Another pretzel. Still love them. Number four. Turns out I'm not really cut to pull the lonely-guy-at-a-bar act, so I look around for smoking girl. She is nowhere to be seen. Sigh. I suddendly feel incredibly silly. It's such a cliché. So I actually enjoy number four, tip the bartender a twenty and go home feeling somewhat at peace and good terms with it all. Maybe meditation is really good you after all.

Maybe it's just the beer.